Strange Times, Strange Lines

It's been a long time ...

2011-08-24T13:55:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't been on here in years. I've lived my life, grown up, and expanded my horizons. Well, to be fair, my horizons had already been pretty god-damn broad to begin with. I'm debating starting up here again as my sort of anonymous confessional seeing as how NO ONE reads this, and even if they did they would never figure out who I am.

Sorry

2005-01-21T18:44:00.000-08:00

No one really reads this, except one person, and she probably doesn't even look at this page anymore because it has been months now since the last time I've had a chance to write anything. Or talk to her. Zoe, I'm sorry. I always have that problem of just letting people go. The ones I want to spend more time with, do more things with, I always end up not talking to them for large spans of time. Life gets in the way, and I just stop thinking about anyone. I get lost in my own thoughts very easily. Then one day it's like I've just woken up from a coma, and I rush around trying to re-establish contact with my friends and family. I do this to my own mother a lot. I just never think to call her. But then again I do work up in her area, so when I go to work I often stay with her. But when I'm not working, I just don't call her.

Cars Drama, Vegas, and Power

2004-11-10T23:15:00.000-08:00

So I was surprised with a new car. It is a well-maintained 1990 Accura Intgera GS. I really liked driving it for a week, but know I don't know if I will be able to keep it. Sean got it from his sis, and now I don't know if he wants to give it back to her or not. I love this car so much too, it has power EVERYTHING! I like power, that's just what I'm into. I love giving power, and taking it away from someone. I like having power over someone. I really like the idea of forcing a person to dress a certian way (fetish stuff) and taking them to go out and do mundane things like take them to go to the bank. Or tying a person up. I guess that's why I really like BDSM and other fetishes. I've been tying up people since I was a little kid. It wasn't sexual then, it was just something that gave me pleasure. I once tied up a kid in the first grade upside-down to a chain link fence by his shoe laces. When I worked as a volenteer at that same school while I was a senior in high school I looked at that fence and I could still see the knotted laces from his shoes that they left there when the teachers cut him down. I had a lot of fun that day, and I never got punished for it. When I got away with it, I was encouraged to keep doing it, and I still am when I get the chance!

Utter Saddness

2004-11-04T11:30:00.000-08:00

I have been in suck a state of shock for the past two days. I had a horrible dream that we were stuck with an inept president who took us to war for no good reason. Then I woke up, looked at the TV screen and saw the numbers, and cried because I wasn't dreaming. To any one who voted for Bush who might read this, congrats. Your puppet won, my puppet lost. But leave my statements be, I'm going through a mourning period. I have heard a lot of people talking about a draft right now, lots of stupid jokes saying, "it's getting chilly, there must be a draft coming!" Ha ha. I do not find any form of slavery to be funny, and being picked out to serve and die for your county against your will is a form of slavery. I am not one of those though who believe that there will be a draft, but at the same time I am weary of such a thing happening. Politicians lie, or they change their minds and chose to do something else. This is called being human and we all do it. For all the people out there who are for a draft, fine. If you think it is a good idea, you must think it would be better for people to volunteer before the need for a draft, right? Well then if you are of age, are you going to enlist? If you are not of age but have children or loved ones who are, are you raising them in an environment that encourages them to enlist? WHY NOT! IF you are for people going to war to support this country, why not make the ultimate sacrifice and support it yourself? Put your money where your mouth is or shut up. I have many friends over in Iraq right now, three who have come back but sent right out again after one week of being home and 6 months out there. Even my severely injured friend was sent right back as soon as he had healed from the 2nd degree burns all over his body. Our men and women over there have been there too long. They have been fooled into thinking that they would only be there for 6 months at a time, and that they would be home soon. My stepbrother alone was there for nearly a year and a half, and when he came home for a break he was luckily honorably discharged on medical leave. The rest of the people over there need a break, why don't you enlist so someone over there can come home to their family for the holidays.

Stupid cars, where are my rocket-powered shoes?

2004-10-30T21:40:00.000-07:00

I think my breaks went out on me. This really sucks, because I really wanted to go out and have some fun on Samhain (Halloween). But Zoe wasn't feeling good so I couldn't go out to the party town that she lives in that is infamous for the Halloween debauchery that goes on there. So I made plans with another friend to go see the movie "The Grudge". But now that isn't going to happen. I just really didn't need this right now, not because I am missing out on some socializieing, but because this is just one more stupid thing that needs to be fixed but really I shouldn't even have this old fucked up car in the first place. In January Sean bought a new car, and when he got it he let me drive around his fairly new Mazda. But in Febuary I made a stupid left turn in front of oncoming traffic and I totaled the car. I was fine, but I had a heart attack calling Sean. And now I'm stuck with this money-pit of a car, and everytime something little or big on it needs to be fixed he gets so mad at me.

If it's not one thing, it's another.

2004-10-29T13:49:00.000-07:00

The other night I completely forgot about a half-term semester class that was supposed to start until the last minute. I have the same teacher for the class right before the half-term class, and she reminded me about it. I don't know sometimes why I sign up for all of these classes, but then I remember that I changed my major halfway through and I need 15 units a semester in order to get my step-father's health insurance. My family tree is weird, and hard to explain. My mom and dad really never should have gotten together, but fate stepped in and they did. My mom got pregnant, on Halloween after a party, and so my dad proposed and they got married in December. About a year after the birth of my little sister, who was also conceived after a drunken party only a New Year's one this time, my mom left my dad. At the time we were living in Florida just off of a Navel base in Jacksonville, and he was into drugs. He spent every military check on drugs and snack food for himself, and didn't leave anything for my mother to pay bills or buy groceries with. We didn't eat a lot during those times, and when we did it was crackers covered in milk. After my dad got dishonorably discharged for pot use, my mom left him. IT was hard, there were some incidents, but we got out and we went to live with my mom's parents. My grandparents basically raised us with my mom, and I love them very much. As for my dad, I call him a sperm-donor now and I haven't seen him or spoken to him in over two years now.

My Wings

2004-10-28T13:30:00.000-07:00

I'll bet you expected this answer. You already knew
you were a DARK ANGELIC, didn't you? You
are similar to a demon but slightly different
in that you don't revel in evil...you revel in
pleasure. Your wings resemble an angel's but if
that's so then you are a Fallen Angel - your
love of sin caused you to be cast from the
Heavens. They are black as raven wings and are
nearly as dark as your desires. You are
faithless and love it - you believe there is no
Judgement Day to fear and so you can do what
you want! You have a refined concept of what is
sexy and a slightly chaotic sense of 'fun.' In
fact, you love chaos and view much of what you
do as a game. You are typically attracted to
those that will challenge your mind, power, and
wit...and are 'dangerous' people like you. It's
not unlikely that you are bisexual or at least
open to the concept, because you seek
excitement and passion everywhere and in
everyone. Chances are you have a special talent
for magick - you're a powerful being and you
know what you want. Like a Serpent of Eden you
like to try your powers of seduction and
manipulation, though your intent is rarely to
cause harm. You have a deep, dark sense of art
and/or poetry, because your mind is a deep,
dark place. While typically smirking, amused,
and sarcastic, you are capable of severe
revenge and a passion and intensity unrivaled
by any other. In your eyes life is for
enjoyment and pleasure - nothing else. If
you're not having fun in your own twisted way,
you're not happy. You are easily bored with the
vast majority of people. You are most likely
drawn towards the Gothic subculture and
probably adore Goth music, art, and style. Many
people look down on your seemingly careless
lifestyle and may even consider you 'slutty'.
Not true. You just know you're sexy and you're
damn proud of it. Dark Angels have an outlook
most like Satanists - loving sin and looking to
none but themselves for power. Congratulations!
As far as I'm concerned - you know what life is REALLY about.
Have fun...Muahaha.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

Women, Women, Every Where but Not an Ass to Spank

2004-10-26T21:36:00.000-07:00

I'm getting really frustrated. Sean and I have been looking for a submissive woman to join us for almost a year now and we haven't really found anyone. Sure there have been a few women who have actually written to us, but most of them turn out to be flakes. Or sometimes men. On any of the websites aimed at helping people find one another in a BDSM way that we have a profile on we clearly state that we will not talk to men, yet that is the demographic that we get the most responses from. They all just look through the pictures and whenever they see a face or body they like they write, not caring if the woman is a Domme, a sub, or someone else's slave. Yeah fucking right, like you are going to convince me to submit to you even when I won't submit to the love of my life? Then only woman we actually got to meet before Zoe was a fat liar from Oregon who claimed to be a lesbian but she was living with a fat old man and living as his slave. He was kicking her out, and she wanted to move to LA but didn't want to pay anybody anything, so she went surfing the ads on a bondage website and found us. She found us and somehow convinced us in one week that she would be a great slave for us. As soon as she got here, she completely was inconsiderate to the both of our house and us. It was an awful experience, and we told her that it would not work out after two days. She called up the man she had been living with and he had moved down to California too and he took her back. So we got rid of that bad situation, but we didn't know how it would work out and we were looking into homeless shelters for her. Gives me icky-bumps just remembering the whole thing.

Mothers give strange gifts

2004-10-25T15:06:00.000-07:00

I was up in Santa Barbara this weekend; visiting family, working, and wooing. I went over to Zoe's place and spent some time with her and I really wanted to make out with her, but I was getting sick from work and I didn't want to get her sick as well. But when I told her this she leaned in and kissed me, and I would have held her there if only I wasn't so damn worried about her health!
The next day though was my younger cousin's birthday dinner out in a restaurant in Goleta, so I went right out there from work and couldn't stop to see Zoe. The dinner party was fun though; my cousins and I get a little wild around each other. We laugh loudly, we play fight, we make bad jokes at each other's expense and just in general we make a lot of noise and act obnoxious. Towards the end of the night when we left the restaurant, the whole family hung out for a while in the parking lot. My mother went to her car and came back holding something behind her back. She came up to me and told me that she had something for me that she had made at work. She works for a crane company that deals mostly with the cables that cranes use to lift oil rig parts out at sea. She pulls her hands from behind her back and in them is a big, soft, nylon rope flogger! She didn't really tell me why she gave it too me, but I think the boys in the shop made it and gave it to her as a joke, and she knew she had no use for it and so she gave it to me. I have never told my mom about my private life, but she suspects things about me and has never confronted me about any of it. I think this was her testing the waters to see how I would react to a giant rope flogger. I still am really excited about it, but at the same time I am creeped out that my mother would give me this. I can't wait to use it on someone though, any volunteers?

Work, School, and Some Fun Things in Between . . .

2004-10-22T22:19:00.000-07:00

I had a GREAT morning, thanks to my sweetie Sean. It really makes you feel beautiful when you wake up in the morning with a greasy face, messed up hair, and horrible breath (so bad you don't even open your mouth for fear of smelling it yourself) and your loved one laying beside you sees you and can think of nothing but wanting to have you right then and there. Makes a girl feel all tingly inside, ya know? Of course he did tell me that all he was trying to do was wake me up, but I think he got something out of it for himself as well. I had set my alarm really early for me because I knew it would take me a long time to wake up today. I get home from school really late on Thursday nights, and it takes a lot of effort to get up the next morning.
Anyway after our morning tryst, Sean and I both get up and get ready for work. His drive is relatively close to our house, but my job is two hours north in Santa Barbara. Since I don't have school on Friday I come up and work that day too, but it is really becoming a pain in the ass since traffic seems to have been starting earlier and earlier every Friday morning. It's too bad to because I love being able to go up and see my family every weekend, the job itself is really easy, and the people at work are really funny and nice. Yet I don't know how much longer I can take this, because sometimes I need a day off, ya know? But with my current schedule I have no rest day, every day is school or work. So far my grades haven't been affected, but I have a half-semester class starting in November, so I might just need to so goodbye to this wonderful (but really low-paying) job for a while.

2004-10-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

Well I had an ok day, I went to school, which is ok, but I hate having to go out on a perfectly good rainy day. Right now there is a big rain system brewing overhead, and we have been getting a lot of well needed rain. I love the rain, I like nothing better than to curl up on a rainy day with some tea and a book and just listen to the sound of it falling on my roof. But anway, back to the school. I am currently going to a city college to save money. I had two classes today, a speech class and a special education class. My major is special education for young children. I'm not sure yet if I will specialize in a specific disorder or not. The main reason I am doing this is because my little sister has Autism. Autism is a neurological disorder that causes her to be developmentally delayed compared to normally developing children her age.

My pretty blog!

2004-10-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

Before I write anything else, I have to thank Zoe (check out her blog IcySimmerings, she talks about me sometimes, I'm Mystique). If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be doing this blog. Also, look at the absolutely beautiful skin she made for me! Isn't she talented people, let's give her a hand. The picture is a photograph called The Breeze by Anne Brigman and it is one of my favorite pieces of art. Right now this photograph is at the Museum of Art in Santa Barbara, CA, US and you should all go see it if you are ever in the area. I don't live in Santa Barbara now, but I grew up there and I visit often. I currently live in the LA area with my boyfriend of a little over two years, Sean. If any of you have ever read Zoe's blog though it talks about her and I going out on a date not too long ago and you may be wondering, "If she has a boyfriend, what is she doing dating a girl?" Well here's a big news-flash for you, I like both men and women, and I like them both even better when I get to combine the two with me at the same time. I am also very much into BDSM and fetishes. Yet while I was trained a very long time ago as a submissive, I have decided now that I am for the most part a Dominant, but sometimes I switch when in the mood (but that isn't very often). All right this is enough for now, don't want to give away too much jerk-off material.

And in the begining there was . . .

2004-10-18T16:17:00.000-07:00

. . . nothing. And then some time later after that nothing there came me. At least that's what I think happened, I couldn't tell you because alas, I was not here before I was born. This is my story, from my point of view. If you don't like it you can express your point of view by getting the hell off my page. I don't go onto yours and tell you you're wrong. Besides, what impact could one little page have, right? In the coming days you will find out more about me and my life if you feel so inclined to read on further about the naughty fun I get into, the deep shit I get out of, and all the funny things and people that happen along the way. No run away and be safe, don't pet the wild squids!