Wow, I haven't been on here in years. I've lived my life, grown up, and expanded my horizons. Well, to be fair, my horizons had already been pretty god-damn broad to begin with. I'm debating starting up here again as my sort of anonymous confessional seeing as how NO ONE reads this, and even if they did they would never figure out who I am.

No one really reads this, except one person, and she probably doesn't even look at this page anymore because it has been months now since the last time I've had a chance to write anything. Or talk to her. Zoe, I'm sorry. I always have that problem of just letting people go. The ones I want to spend more time with, do more things with, I always end up not talking to them for large spans of time. Life gets in the way, and I just stop thinking about anyone. I get lost in my own thoughts very easily. Then one day it's like I've just woken up from a coma, and I rush around trying to re-establish contact with my friends and family. I do this to my own mother a lot. I just never think to call her. But then again I do work up in her area, so when I go to work I often stay with her. But when I'm not working, I just don't call her.

So I was surprised with a new car. It is a well-maintained 1990 Accura Intgera GS. I really liked driving it for a week, but know I don't know if I will be able to keep it. Sean got it from his sis, and now I don't know if he wants to give it back to her or not. I love this car so much too, it has power EVERYTHING! I like power, that's just what I'm into. I love giving power, and taking it away from someone. I like having power over someone. I really like the idea of forcing a person to dress a certian way (fetish stuff) and taking them to go out and do mundane things like take them to go to the bank. Or tying a person up. I guess that's why I really like BDSM and other fetishes. I've been tying up people since I was a little kid. It wasn't sexual then, it was just something that gave me pleasure. I once tied up a kid in the first grade upside-down to a chain link fence by his shoe laces. When I worked as a volenteer at that same school while I was a senior in high school I looked at that fence and I could still see the knotted laces from his shoes that they left there when the teachers cut him down. I had a lot of fun that day, and I never got punished for it. When I got away with it, I was encouraged to keep doing it, and I still am when I get the chance!

I have been in suck a state of shock for the past two days. I had a horrible dream that we were stuck with an inept president who took us to war for no good reason. Then I woke up, looked at the TV screen and saw the numbers, and cried because I wasn't dreaming. To any one who voted for Bush who might read this, congrats. Your puppet won, my puppet lost. But leave my statements be, I'm going through a mourning period. I have heard a lot of people talking about a draft right now, lots of stupid jokes saying, "it's getting chilly, there must be a draft coming!" Ha ha. I do not find any form of slavery to be funny, and being picked out to serve and die for your county against your will is a form of slavery. I am not one of those though who believe that there will be a draft, but at the same time I am weary of such a thing happening. Politicians lie, or they change their minds and chose to do something else. This is called being human and we all do it. For all the people out there who are for a draft, fine. If you think it is a good idea, you must think it would be better for people to volunteer before the need for a draft, right? Well then if you are of age, are you going to enlist? If you are not of age but have children or loved ones who are, are you raising them in an environment that encourages them to enlist? WHY NOT! IF you are for people going to war to support this country, why not make the ultimate sacrifice and support it yourself? Put your money where your mouth is or shut up. I have many friends over in Iraq right now, three who have come back but sent right out again after one week of being home and 6 months out there. Even my severely injured friend was sent right back as soon as he had healed from the 2nd degree burns all over his body. Our men and women over there have been there too long. They have been fooled into thinking that they would only be there for 6 months at a time, and that they would be home soon. My stepbrother alone was there for nearly a year and a half, and when he came home for a break he was luckily honorably discharged on medical leave. The rest of the people over there need a break, why don't you enlist so someone over there can come home to their family for the holidays.

I think my breaks went out on me. This really sucks, because I really wanted to go out and have some fun on Samhain (Halloween). But Zoe wasn't feeling good so I couldn't go out to the party town that she lives in that is infamous for the Halloween debauchery that goes on there. So I made plans with another friend to go see the movie "The Grudge". But now that isn't going to happen. I just really didn't need this right now, not because I am missing out on some socializieing, but because this is just one more stupid thing that needs to be fixed but really I shouldn't even have this old fucked up car in the first place. In January Sean bought a new car, and when he got it he let me drive around his fairly new Mazda. But in Febuary I made a stupid left turn in front of oncoming traffic and I totaled the car. I was fine, but I had a heart attack calling Sean. And now I'm stuck with this money-pit of a car, and everytime something little or big on it needs to be fixed he gets so mad at me.

The other night I completely forgot about a half-term semester class that was supposed to start until the last minute. I have the same teacher for the class right before the half-term class, and she reminded me about it. I don't know sometimes why I sign up for all of these classes, but then I remember that I changed my major halfway through and I need 15 units a semester in order to get my step-father's health insurance. My family tree is weird, and hard to explain. My mom and dad really never should have gotten together, but fate stepped in and they did. My mom got pregnant, on Halloween after a party, and so my dad proposed and they got married in December. About a year after the birth of my little sister, who was also conceived after a drunken party only a New Year's one this time, my mom left my dad. At the time we were living in Florida just off of a Navel base in Jacksonville, and he was into drugs. He spent every military check on drugs and snack food for himself, and didn't leave anything for my mother to pay bills or buy groceries with. We didn't eat a lot during those times, and when we did it was crackers covered in milk. After my dad got dishonorably discharged for pot use, my mom left him. IT was hard, there were some incidents, but we got out and we went to live with my mom's parents. My grandparents basically raised us with my mom, and I love them very much. As for my dad, I call him a sperm-donor now and I haven't seen him or spoken to him in over two years now.

I'll bet you expected this answer. You already knew
you were a DARK ANGELIC, didn't you? You
are similar to a demon but slightly different
in that you don't revel in evil...you revel in
pleasure. Your wings resemble an angel's but if
that's so then you are a Fallen Angel - your
love of sin caused you to be cast from the
Heavens. They are black as raven wings and are
nearly as dark as your desires. You are
faithless and love it - you believe there is no
Judgement Day to fear and so you can do what
you want! You have a refined concept of what is
sexy and a slightly chaotic sense of 'fun.' In
fact, you love chaos and view much of what you
do as a game. You are typically attracted to
those that will challenge your mind, power, and
wit...and are 'dangerous' people like you. It's
not unlikely that you are bisexual or at least
open to the concept, because you seek
excitement and passion everywhere and in
everyone. Chances are you have a special talent
for magick - you're a powerful being and you
know what you want. Like a Serpent of Eden you
like to try your powers of seduction and
manipulation, though your intent is rarely to
cause harm. You have a deep, dark sense of art
and/or poetry, because your mind is a deep,
dark place. While typically smirking, amused,
and sarcastic, you are capable of severe
revenge and a passion and intensity unrivaled
by any other. In your eyes life is for
enjoyment and pleasure - nothing else. If
you're not having fun in your own twisted way,
you're not happy. You are easily bored with the
vast majority of people. You are most likely
drawn towards the Gothic subculture and
probably adore Goth music, art, and style. Many
people look down on your seemingly careless
lifestyle and may even consider you 'slutty'.
Not true. You just know you're sexy and you're
damn proud of it. Dark Angels have an outlook
most like Satanists - loving sin and looking to
none but themselves for power. Congratulations!
As far as I'm concerned - you know what life is REALLY about.
Have fun...Muahaha.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
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